#so sayeth the oracle

[unintentionaloracle]

I finished the Zowens fic that goes with chapter four of Stress Toy. In two weeks y'all get a double dose of fics. 🤭

[jerenoraakkeli]

I'm gonna try my luck at being granted the title of prophet 🗣️

I made a poll predicting what fruity stuff Jere would pull next and the final result was him being walked on a leash by Matti (which he posted a tiktok of but not as him in the leash sadly 😔🤚🏻 so idk if it counts)

But I also had a poll option of him flirting shamelessly with a male audience member, which he did in Tikkurila and Kotka day 2

May the oracles look upon me with favour and grant me the coveted title of prophet 🛐

Apollo sayeth it counts, watch out for any red dodgeballs.

Congratulations on your title as official Prophet of Käärijä! May you come up with more predictions and manifest them! (For all our sakes 😌)

[beansincrocs007]

MAN JUICE ORACLE MONDAY

In which I interpret my weekly t shot to give yall advice for the week

It is never too late to start again. Whether it's an old writing project, friendship, hobby, or dumb little tumblr thing, go for it! Progress of any kind is never linear, and that applies here too. As long as whatever it is makes you happy, don't let holdups about it 'being in the past' keep you down.

SO SAYETH THE MAN JUICE ORACLE

This week's bandaid: blue violet crayon

[theggning]

Okay all you clowns. We're getting news about Ghost Trick AND RE4make in this livestream, per Capcom...

But I bet you 20 internet bucks that they release the RE4make demo immediately after.

So sayeth the clown oracle (me)

[therobotfrom94]

Bisexuals have innate magic

So sayeth the Oracle known as Aubrey Little of the Adventure Zone

[vagabondretired]

Oh, Ye.women, be thankful for our most merciful and benevolent, most female-empowering president. Yes, he may have defended accused wife beaters, female-subordinate harassers and even an alleged child molester in his orbit. Yes, in a Friday news conference about a White House aide accused of battering multiple ex-wives, he may have expressed sadness not for the victims but for the victimizer. He may not have even found time to make a bland, generic statement about how domestic violence is, you know, bad. And, yes, even before two White House aides resigned over wife-battery allegations, President Trump faced an unusually large gender gap in approval ratings. But leave all that aside. We know that this president truly celebrates women and promotes their safety and success because, duh, the economy is doing okay. So sayeth the Oracle of Alternative Facts, Kellyanne Conway. Asked on ABC’s “This Week” why Trump expressed sympathy for Rob Porter but not the ex-wives he allegedly beat, and whether Trump thinks Porter is falsely accused, the counselor to the president responded that women should be grateful because you've gained a lot of jobs in the past year.

[ponyvsthebottle]

Being an account of the founding of the city of Thebes, because everybody already knows about how the city of Rome came within an ace of being called Reme but that’s neither here nor there

SO Europa was just minding her own fucking business making daisy chains when she sees the most beautiful bull in the world. It was white, which I guess was the signal for beautiful back in old-timey Greece. She decided to put a daisy chain on the bull, as one does, and caress its flanks, as one does, and ride on it, whereupon the bull plunged headlong into the ocean and that was the last anybody local saw of Europa. This seems like a cautionary tale for fucking around with cattle, but this is mostly context for what I’m about to tell you, which is the founding of the city of Thebes.

Her brother, Cadmus, reacts to this like a reasonable person would, i.e. he says “well we gotta find her.” So he quests the hell all over the place, and finally visits the Oracle of Apollo at Delphi. There, he probably made whatever gifts a prince makes to an oracle, and the holy men muttered to each other, and the pythia either spoke for herself, or made wild noises because she was in a room with not enough oxygen for a normal person and the holy men interpreted those wild noises (these are the two leading beliefs on how the oracle operated). In any event, the intelligence that our boy Cadmus received from this little episode was this: you’re gonna step outside, and you’re going to see the most beautiful cow in the world, and you’re going to follow that cow. IT DOESN’T SEEM LIKE A HOT IDEA TO ME GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF HIS SISTER’S DISAPPEARANCE but out he steps and there’s a real good-looking cow walking by. 

So he and his boys (Cadmus brought all his boys along for this operation) get to stepping, and eventually the cow stops, and Cadmus is like well! Nothing for it boys, let’s slit this open, save all the good parts for ourselves, and burn the offal to honor Athena. This is the sort of thing you did with animules in the olden times, you see. This is all thanks to Prometheus, but that’s another story. In any event, you need some water if you’re going to have a fire, so his boys go down to the river to get some water. Cadmus hangs out next to the corpse of the beautiful cow for a while, and eventually gets to wondering what is taking these fools so long. Down goes he to the river and OH SHIT there’s a monstrous snake and it has killed every man Jack of his friends. Thinking quickly, Cadmus slays the shit out of that snake, a plan of action that hadn’t occurred to his contemporaries I suppose. It is thus, standing red-handed and red-legged in this charnel house astride the corpse of a monstrous wyrm, that Athena comes upon him.

Cadmus does not miss a beat, but is like oh hey I was just about to burn for you the parts of the cow that touch the poop and Athena’s like alright that’s super and I appreciate that, but I can’t help but notice that your idiot friends are all dead. Cadmus is like yeah this is real inconvenient frankly and sheds a manly Greek tear, and Athena comforts him as only a woman can, i.e. she tells him to break the teeth out of the snake’s mouth and plant half of them as though they were seeds. Cadmus executes this mission from god(dess), and THUS DO THE SPARTOI MAKE THE SCENE. The Spartoi are blokes much like you or I, insofar as they were fully grown, armored as for war, and they sprung fully-formed from the Grecian soil. Cadmus looks at this field of new friends (standing amidst the bodies of his old friends), and decides that this is just too damn many friends for him. How would you solve this problem? Cadmus cast a rock into their midst.

Who cast that rock in my midst! cries one of the Spartoi, sorely wrothed.

Probably that fucker there! cries Cadmus, from a safe distance.

Not seeing to whom Cadmus pointed and being unable to accurately discern the true identity of the rock-casting asshole, the Spartoi did the next best thing, which was they started to murder each other. And so, over the increasingly trampled bodies of his previous friends, and the freshly trampled carcass of the snake, Cadmus’ new friends fell one after the other, until there were five of them left.

Cadmus entered their midst and said LO I am here to tell you that you should stop fucking killing each other and help me build a city, here. We’re going to call the city “Thebes”! And you’re going to call me, “the King of Thebes”. These men, who have not even been alive for an hour and have already slain a brace of men apiece, look at this unarmored nerd who looks like he could cast a rock pretty amidst, and agree that this plan seems pretty solid. So, it seems like everything’s going to work out after all! I mean, who knows where Europa is, but he’s got some new violent friends, and they’re going to have a great city, and everything’s going to come up Cadmus, right?

JUST THEN Ares, the little-known and less-loved god of cyberbullying arrives. People will be like “oh Ares was the god of war” and I’m here to tell you that in pretty much every myth he shows up in, he is humiliated. He loves picking on weak people, and he thinks he’s great, and if you hit him he cries. He’s a loser, but despite this he’s also a god.

WHAT JAGOFF KILLED MY SON, says Ares.

It was probably that monster that so lately terrorized this area, sayeth Cadmus, but no fear old man I made hamburger helper out of it! But uh did you say son? I didn’t know you had a son in the area.

MY SON WAS A GIANT FUCKOFF SNAKE explained Ares WHOSE MONSTROUS APPETITES FORMED AN END FOR MAN AND BEAST ALIKE.

Hmm, said Cadmus.

IF I SHOULD FIND THE WRETCH WHO DID THIS THING continued Ares, I WOULD ACCEPT NOTHING LESS THAN TO REDUCE HIM TO MY SLAVE, TO EXACT A PENALTY IN YEARS EQUAL TO THAT WHICH HE HAS ROBBED ME OF BY THE SLAYING OF MY SON

I Need To Go, said Cadmus.

Well some more things were said and after some time the truth of the matter came out, and while the city of Thebes was born, Cadmus was serving hard time as the whipping boy for the shitty frat boy of the /pan/theon. After eight years had passed, there was some divine intervention, things were said, and somehow Cadmus was released back to Thebes, and also he got to marry Ares’ daughter, Harmonia, so that seemed nice. Harmonia’s mother was Aphrodite, who was technically married to Haephaestus, so this was probably not viewed as a super classy move in the pantheon. Perhaps it is for this reason (it is canonically for this reason) why the wedding gift Haephaestus gave was a necklace noted for being EXTREMELY CURSED. But that’s neither here nor there.

“What about Europa?” you’re saying. You didn’t forget all about her like Cadmus did! You’re a woke bae for sure. Well, I’ll tell you. The beautiful bull bore her to another shore, then spoke to her and alleged that he was the king of all the gods. See this island we’re on? It’s your island now. Crete! Crete is your island, Europa, and you are the queen of Crete. There was PROBABLY some sex that went down, because as a rule if you as a young lady run into a talking animal in Greece that claims to be Zeus, there was some dick stuff in your future. You might be like “say, did you say Crete? And a bull… is this the origin of the minotaur?” Well, no, but Europa’s son was King Minos, and it was he who fucked up so badly that his wife ALSO got involved with a bull of divine origin but that is a different story altogether.

[purewhitewolf]

As the armies of the ancients move forward the ancient one will lose its battle with emotion and become hatred incarnate once more it will not stop till all life is gone so sayeth the oracle

A young dragoness reads this and sighs. “Oh, geez. Mom’s slacking off again.... She always tells me she has to protect the universe and yet she allows it to be overrun by parasites and destroyer armies. And for that matter, where the hell is she even? She just disappeared after one of her worlds exploded....”

[unintentionaloracle]

On a lighter note to keep my brain from the negative spite spiral, after rereading @wrestlezaynia 's latest fic there's a bit I have in the next chapter of my fic I'm uploading this week that has me like "lol we're on a similar wavelength yet again 🤭"

[unintentionaloracle]

Sorry, still giddy to drop the next chapter of my fic and the one shot this week. The drama in it is fun.

[unintentionaloracle]

My biggest problems coming up with a "Mount Rushmore" for wrestlers are:

1) I feel like I still need to watch more/more eras to like, properly make one like I don't want it to be too limited to specific companies or eras (Kevin feels non-negotiable though, man is my GOAT/my standard for "the full package" of the modern era alongside Seth and Sami but I do like Kevin more so 🤭)

2) I'll think "maybe these four" then remember another one and be like "oooooooh but they're good tooooooooo ohhhhhhhhhhh"

(Honorable mention to "do I make it co-ed or have a separate one for women's wrestlers? Or have those AND a co-ed one?")

[unintentionaloracle]

Sometimes I kinda wish I didn't have complicated feelings about current Liv.

Like I don't like a lot of what's been done with her (though I think she's doing her best with the character itself; she plays annoying mean girl well), but I think the hate she gets is excessive like a good chunk of this is on her writing/booking.

I'm not like "Liv: greatest women's wrestler ever" or putting her on my Mt. Rushmore...but I'm also like "hey she's not as terrible a wrestler as some people say" like there have been worse wrestlers than her. Heck, there's a worse wrestler in the division right now. Plus Liv has had fun matches (more fun than said person's have been.)

Like I'm not going to war for her and dying on the hill of her honor but I'm not gonna act like she's the greatest pox on this industry/women's wrestling.

[unintentionaloracle]

Might be a hot take but I don't think Punk should get a main event just because he wants one.

[unintentionaloracle]

Lol tomorrow determines just HOW AU/canon divergence my "screw it, it's AU/canon divergence now because I have a vision and I can only comply to actual events so long" Codytyre fic trilogy I'm working on will be (ESPECIALLY part 1.)

[unintentionaloracle]

Hate when Discord changes :) into 🙂 and such because emojis and emoticons are two different emotions to me.

[unintentionaloracle]

Also low-key glad the "Seth and/or Drew sell out to Rock" theories so far don't seem to be true like it just wouldn't make sense to me for the two biggest Bloodline Haters to affiliate themselves with the guy ranked above Roman, heel (possibly for Seth, still for Drew) or not, sorry.

(Especially with Seth giving Cody his big "no don't do that after everything we fought for last year" speech. Plus they're more interesting as their own free agents of chaos right now.)